Pain on Full Display at Oscars Award Ceremony

A shipment that resonated with me in a different way after seeing celebrities’ pain on display in uncharted fashion

Each night during the month of March, I fall asleep contemplating what my post will be about for the next day. It’s a part of a wonderful commitment I make annually (for three years now) to participate in a month-long writing challenge spearheaded by Two Writing Teachers. In this “Slice of Life Challenge,” writers from all over the world share an array of experiences from snippets of their life that span the spectacular and evocative to the simple and profound.

Last night, I was reflective. I determined I’d write about the unparalleled encounters I’d had after writing a book about my personal experiences with pain and trauma and how the transparency led to unprecedented conversations with others regarding their own pain that I’m confident would have never otherwise occurred. It’s titled, “The Power of Your Pain: Pushing Past from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be.“

That was the plan…until I received a text from a beloved friend about the Oscars…

I clicked a Twitter video snippet to find that a celebrated actor (whom I choose not to name. All parties’ names are replete across social media currently), was most offended by a comedian’s joke about his wife because of a medical condition that causes hair loss. Following the comment, he went on stage and struck him with an open hand during the live broadcast.

The comedian was visibly stunned as was the audience upon considering that the incident was not staged. It was followed by an abrasive reiteration of his distaste, complete with expletive(s). The actor later received an award for a powerful movie in which he was featured, though he was visibly shaken at the context of the event both before and after.

Unsurprisingly, there is a wealth of fodder in the stratosphere questioning the propriety. Some condoning, many condemning. I watched both in horror (the incident and the subsequent apology) because what was most apparent to me, was pain.

For many years, I’ve been convinced, that people are often unaware of the most effective ways to handle their pain. It is often bottled, repressed, resisted and frequently in the most inefficient manner. Around the world, we mismanage pain or worse, don’t manage it at all until it bubbles up at the most inopportune moments, spilling into the lives of others – and that comes with serious effects.

Last night’s award ceremony was a perfect storm of sorts, and I couldn’t help feeling as if I was revisiting every chapter of that book.

The woman who was the focal point of the joke felt pain because she felt that it was at her expense.

Her husband, empathizing with her pain, felt a surging pain of perceived disrespect, anger, conflicts regarding loyalty, pressure, the compulsion to – by his estimations – protect and defend.

In confronting the comedian in a most physical (and untimely) way, he inflicted physical pain in addition to the humiliation that was unanticipated, but most logically felt by the visibly stunned presenter.

There was pain in the audience (and subsequent onlookers from other platforms) that ranged from disgust with what they deemed unwarranted violence and those who empathized with both the husband and wife. Some felt insensitivities were over the line and unsympathetic towards women struggling with the ailment and others like it.

Others determined the husband was within his right, and honored her in a most chivalrous, old-fashioned way.

Several have expressed in communities of color, that this was painful at large because of negative perceptions that may occur about races of people with whom others may now reaffirm unfounded stereotypes.

In regards to my personal opinion, I believe that all parties involved could have had a better response. As I’m among the least confrontational, I would not have settled it with a physical altercation.

Nevertheless, what I find even more troubling is anchored by the purpose for writing my book. Pain that is unmanaged or managed ineffectively can be debilitating, causing even further damage to ourselves and those around us.

Of his own accord, I don’t believe the actor intended to respond with impulsivity and regretted it on many levels. My greater concern is that each involved has pain – considerable, layered, growing pain – that should be handled with immediacy.

This also serves as a keen reminder that though we ascribe superhuman status to those who are gifted and talented, we are quickly reminded of the common thread of flawed humanity that we all share. Celebrities are not exempt.

I am thankful that my flaws are not a feature on the evening news and saturated in social media. I am a work in progress, and without the help of God, I imagine I’d find myself as fodder for the next meme just as easily.

I’m praying for all who were directly and indirectly involved in this experience – and I’m encouraging those who were viewers/listeners only to ensure that they manage their own pain effectively, so that it will never be the content of unsolicited conversations, privately or publicly.