I’ve offered to volunteer every Monday at my seven year old’s school since he started there last year as a Kindergartner. This year, I volunteered both in his first grade class and with his previous year’s teacher; but, in first grade, there is a storyteller that comes once a month. I love to watch her animated illustrations. I love the sound of her voice. I’m as awestruck as the children, if not more. This is a picture of the last story she told at the beginning of this month. Today, it made me sad.
I felt disillusioned as I went through my financial records today. Preparing to do my taxes, I was reminded that I had traveled more in the last six months than I had in my entire life and had some of the greatest adventures and wonderful moments with people that mean the world to me. I traveled three weeks ago, and met friends, and had lunch, and filmed video podcasts, and helped train teachers and shared openly and freely and with no regard for social distancing. I celebrated Isaiah’s seventh birthday in his class, with his teacher, and his friends.
While traveling, I missed four monthly shin digs with good friends I have here, and said, “No worries! My last trip will be in April. I won’t miss the next one.”
I missed the trip in April.
There are no more monthly gatherings now.
And we were less than 10.
Today, I am sad.
I am usually quite positive. Chipper. Optimistic. Happy. Or at least I try to be, but today, I am wishing that my children could play with their friends. I am wishing I could socialize with my own friends. I am wishing that I didn’t have to cancel my April trip. And especially the March trip that I’d scheduled for my mom to visit me here. She hadn’t been here in quite some time, and we were so excited; but, she’s 70 and I didn’t want to risk it.
I miss my mom. My family.
My friends that live where I’d lived for 37 of my 42 years.
I miss home.
I wonder what stories we will tell when this is all over. I feel like I’m in a book of which I did not ask to be a character. I am happy to have my family and my health. I am happy that the ones I love are all o.k., at least as far as I know. I am thankful for food, and love, and – tissue (imagine that), and though I trust that God can handle everything that I can’t…
Today, I am sad.
#coping #carlamichelle #hopingtodaywillbebetter
Dr. Carla Michelle Brown * Speaker * author * Educator 
We experience deep loss. We were thrown into chaos. We are allowed to be sad. We can accept this feeling. Crying is good. Like you, I keep counting what is well – family, health, spring is coming.
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And that excited me, Terje! I can’t wait to be on the other side of this tragedy; but, I’ve promised myself in the meantime, I will look for every silver lining on every gray cloud. In them, I find more solace than I could have ever imagined.
Thanks so much for your encouraging words! They really did warm my heart. ~Carla Michelle
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